Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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