I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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