She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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