Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
