Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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