I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
