I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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