Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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