Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
