she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
