I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
there is puke in my bra ... again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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