just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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