He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
