you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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