I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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