So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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