dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
worst night to have a conscience
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
