I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
