she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
