Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
