exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
