And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
