considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
