he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
