I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
