Kiss
Puke
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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