It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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