Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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