Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My ass is underappreciated
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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