You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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