rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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