I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
