I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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