are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
