You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
