how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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