Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
