Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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