someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
