The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
