I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
my poor anus
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
