I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
