you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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