so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
