Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
