Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
