I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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