My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
