Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
