Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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