Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
