I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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