margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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