I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
