your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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