Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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