My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
