Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
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No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you had me at cake vodka
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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