Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
