Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
