There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
