Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
