He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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