In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
