Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
