This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
