If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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