He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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