She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
